A Letter To Bereaved At New Year’s

During the lead up to the holiday season, much of the focus has been on family-oriented days, such as, Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas. With so much energy put towards the holidays, New Years can sneak up on you. There is an unavoidable impact marked by the calendar turning, and the societal expectations to celebrate and start over with a clean slate by making a list of resolutions.

For those who are grieving, we know there is no such thing as a clean slate. Your grief does not end with the calendar year, and it may be daunting to face a whole new year stretching out in front of you. You may be afraid of what the new year might bring; you may worry whether or not you can handle any more challenges. Your tendency is to stand at the threshold of a new year looking back rather than forward. To move on may feel like leaving your loved one behind.

Your current experience of emptiness and loneliness may make you reluctant to face this new year, and its approach may mean different things for the bereaved. Whether you welcome, dread or ignore a new year may depend on where you are in your grief journey.

If your loss was recent, sudden or unexpected, you may still be in shock or the wound may be extremely raw. You get up in the morning, put one foot in front of the other, breathe, and share your story of what happened to yourself and others. It is important to remember with gentleness that feeling a little numb or detached keeps you safe while you wake gradually to the reality that life and your world is not how you knew it or thought it would be.

If you have courageously held your grief over time, the swelling around the injury of your loss may have gone down some. You may not have a clear vision of a future, but you may feel the stirrings of hope. You are learning that the passage of time will always bring about a new day, month and year. And though you do face these without your loved one, you will take the gifts they gave you with you into this uncertain terrain.

January 1st is just another day, with no power or meaning except the meaning you choose to give to it. Acknowledging your needs as you are grieving, you can choose to make softer resolutions for the new year…perhaps gentler hopes for a peaceful year, learning to understand better your own grief process, embrace your loved one’s values, hopes or dreams and plan opportunities for remembering your loved one.