Did you know?
Cheering people up, telling them to be strong, to persevere, helping them move on doesn’t actually help.
It seems counterintuitive but the way to help someone feel better is to let them feel their pain.
“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed, exactly as it is.”
Parker Palmer
Acknowledgement.
Acknowledgment is a gift. It can make things better even when you can’t make things right.
We don’t know what to do with someones pain so we do what we’ve been taught. We look on the bright side. We want them to feel better so we give them advice. We try to cheer people up because we think that’s our job. We think we can’t allow people to stay sad.
The problem is we can’t heal someones pain by trying to take it away from them.
Acknowledgement does something different.
It’s much more supportive to acknowledge the pain and allow the pain to exist. In order to you support you, I have to acknowledge things are really as bad as they feel to you. If I try to cheer you up, you will feel like you have to defend yourself and your feelings. If I give you advice you feel misunderstood instead of supported.
When someone shares something painful it’s much more helpful to say “I’m so sorry that is happening. Would you like to share more with me?”
To be able to say this hurts without being talked out of it is what helps. Being heard helps. Being acknowledged can be one of the greatest gifts. It makes things better even when things can’t be made right.
About Lisa
I am a grief counselor, certified grief educator, certified professional life coach, speaker, and writer dedicated to helping you navigate through life and loss. My greatest joy is to help others, to have the honor to listen to your story, and to offer hope. I am truly grateful and it is my privilege to be on this journey with you.